Friday, August 5, 2011

Ass Fresco

Friends, dear ones, I need your help! The world needs your help! You probably need help, too...

For a long time now, when encountering quintessentially egregious phenomena, sit-u-a-tions that are so astonishingly crap-loaded that they are, indeed, impressive in their appalling way, I have uttered,

Ass Fresco!!!

Over time we've discovered that not only I experience the magnetically repellent Ass Fresco in this weird and wonderful life. Soon after first hearing this mighty imprecation, many others have recognized the all-too-present existence of Ass Fresco in their own lives and call upon this mighty power to bemoan, respect (grudgingly), and perhaps even derive some spontaneous therapy for many a terrible sit-u-a-tion. So undeniably true, Ass Fresco simply cannot be contained. Finally, our circle must share our discoveries of this primal force with the rest of our human family, in the hopes that it will help us all deal with the terrible iniquities of life that we must endure... and, apparently, perpetrate, too...

It is time to spread the gospel of Ass Fresco. We must all share our tales of Ass Fresco. The world must know.

Please submit to me via comment to this blog entry, e-mail, voice mail, ftp, snail mail, FedEx, sonar, telepathy, or other medium, your personal experiences of Ass Fresco in your life. The most gloriously revolting accounts will soon find their way into a segment of my upcoming musical performance to be shared with our much-in-need sisters and brothers. Please limit each submission to 200,000 words or fewer.

Below please find a brief audio recording of the ditty, "Ass Fresco," followed by the story of my original discovery of Ass Fresco that bitter wintry day in New York. With your help and input, this bit will become a part of my performance of original music and tomfoolery, in which I will include contemporaneous reports of Ass Fresco derived from your generous submissions. At times, I might even call upon you, if you are present at the performance, to regale the group with your own close encounter with Ass Fresco.

Putrescence? Incompetence? Toxicity? Duplicity? Cupidity? Stupidity? Injustice? Egestion? Fiasco? Ass Fresco. Your submission is inevitable.